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They Are Playing My Song…..

Every song has a memory…..

Every time I listen to the songs of Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na  I feel teleported to my first year PG days. Circa 2008 when the movie had just released and the songs were a rage. The songs remind me of the lovely days I spent with my friends….staying in the dinghy musty “Call Room” on our duty days (that is the day we were on night duty at the hospital), attending calls in the hospital in the dead of the night, to save a life, or bring a new one into the world and such. Eating at the call room, bitching about our new seniors. Or going to the marine drive in the dead of the night to grab an ice cream and sit by the sea. Those were the first songs I had received on my then new phone via Bluetooth and I listened to them while travelling, while working and even falling asleep…Those songs remind me of travelling at the door of the train, feeling the wind on my face and in my hair. The songs are still a rage in my personal collection and I am never tired of listening to them. 

Such is with Dil Chahta Hain, circa 2001 when I had just joined MBBS. The movie was about coming of age, of 3 boys Akash, Sameer and Siddharth. And in a strange sort of way, the same year I too went through a similar coming of age when I became, from a bound to and sheltered at home college girl a hostelite medical student out in the world almost by herself. I remember watching this movie on a large screen at our first college festival and the songs still remind me how awed I was by the movie and by the whole college crowd. and being in college, studying what you always wanted to.

Every song has a memory; every song has the ability to make or break your heart, shut down the heart, and open the eyes. But I’m afraid if you look at a thing long enough; it loses all of its meaning
— Andy Warhol.

I still do not understand the last line of this quote, and its relation to the first two lines. But I love this quote, it says what I feel deep in my heart
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He, She…and It

He is the husband, she is his wife and it is the husband’s camera


He, she and it are on their way to a party somewhere in the evening. He stops on the way, picks it up and takes a shot of the Mumbai University Building. They walk a few steps and he again picks it up and takes another shot, form a different angle of the same university. She is a bit impatient to get to the party. After some 5 or 7 shots of Rajabai Tower, University taken across the Oval maidan, she has totally lost it.

She: We are getting late for the party


He: Wait I am taking some great shots. What a structure, man!


She waits for a few minutes


She: (sighs) I wish you would take half as many pictures of me.


He: (oblivious vs ignoring) Look at this classic shot! See the lighting? Amazing!


She: Wish you were half as interested in taking pictures of me!


He: (Pulls her cheeks) I will be sweetheart, when you are 200 years old.



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Thankful…..

Of course I am thankful and grateful for a wonderful life, family, husband, career etcetera . This list is for those smaller things in life for which I am really thankful


Khakra
I am thankful to Gujarati women of yore who came up with this recipe to probably do away with left over rotis and equally thankful to the modern Gujarati women who sweat it out to make these khakaras for sale for mortals like us. I have survived on this snack for over 10 years now. While in the younger hostel days the adventurous variations like “Pav bhaji” and “Pani puri” flavoured made good tea time accompaniments, now I choose the routine plain or methi flavoured. Now a days often it makes up for a missed meal, to buy time till the next one.


Mobile Phones
Sometimes I wonder how we even lived so many years without this one. I still remember the rainy days during my childhood when we would wait for mom to return from work hoping she is safe, wondering where she must be, pacing by the window. Or the hostel days, rushing to the phone hoping its from home, waiting at the public telephone booth for a turn to make an STD call. Mobile phone has suddenly made it all easy…from locating the spouse on railway platform to short messages from the brother abroad saying I’m fine. And I am not talking of the fancy gadgets. A simple phone is all I want (and have) and need.


Continuous Supply of Electricity
One of the few pleasures of living in a Metro… no load shedding. Having lived for a short while in places where electricity has been conspicuous by its prolonged absence makes me value this resource and wastage of any form irks me.


Books
I am glad good things in life come as paperbacks and hardcovers! And love my parents for building a small neat collection for me. And I hate myself for having lent a few of my books to people, no one returns a lent book. Only a fool lends a book. Greater fool is the one who returns it.


There is lot more I am thankful for and that will follow soon enough…….This one post deserves a part 2















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The Mourning

Being an anesthesiology resident in the Obstetrics and Gynaecology OT at Nair Hospital was no mean job. There was the routine OT list, the emergencies and the cranky surgeons and sometimes even crazy seniors to handle. But the job has to be done, right and that too with a smile, and we did it.


December 2009, while the routine OT is still on, we get a call, ‘Emergency Laparotomy for an unruptured ectopic gestation in the fallopian tube’ which means an emergency surgical exploration of a lady who had conceived, but unfortunately the fetus was outside the uterus in the fallopian tube. Fallopian tubes are the tubes which transport ovum or the embryo from the ovary to the uterus. I went to the waiting area to see this lady pre operatively. She looked distraught and strangely familiar. I could not place her, but she was familiar nonetheless. She was past 35 years, and had undergone a tubal recanalisation surgery few months ago. I noted down the rest of her medical history, did a quick physical examination and explained the surgery and anesthesia to her. She knew her baby could not be salvaged, being in a place where there is neither nutrition nor enough place for her baby to grow. The whole point of the surgery was to save her life, lest the tube rupture.


After taking her consent I did something I had never done before, I asked her a question that was too personal– the reason why she had undergone a recanalisation surgery, or a surgery that involves reversal of a tubal ligation. The answer was obvious… she had undergone a tubal ligation which is, for all practical purposes, a permanent method of contraception. Then for some reason, she wanted to have a child again so late in her life. I was curious to know the reason.


“I lost my son to brain cancer” she said with a few tears in her eyes.


I was starting to figure out why I knew her…. still I persisted


“Where was your son admitted and how long ago did he die?”


“He was here, at the same hospital… He passed away last November”


“His name was Aditya?  I asked her to which she did not reply but broke down into tears instead. I did not pacify her, I broke down with her too into a discreet few tears.


I remembered Aditya very well. He was a 10 year old boy operated for a malignant brain tumour and had died in the ICU a few months after the surgery. He had died while I was posted in the ICU and was on duty. And he was probably the only patient whose death and the suffering prior to that had affected me so deeply,  probably because of his tender age. I remember having shed a few tears for him after seeing his grandmother break down once in the ICU. She was the one who mainly cared for him, with his sister and mother visiting on and off.  While I cried for him when he lived, I somehow did not mourn his death when he died in my arms, in front of my eyes. And I mourned for him the day I met his mother once again, a year after his death.


Being doctors who see death and suffering so often does make us tough but some incidents like these do break our tough outer layers and touch our hearts and make us cry. 


Disclaimer: The kid was not named Aditya. The name has been changed to protect the identity of the child and his family.



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Finally something from me…

Out of the ICU, into the OT (for the past 2 months, and gladly so) I am……ICU is not me, I did not exactly detest it, but  nonetheless, I was not myself working in there day in and day out. OT is my home ground.


Of course, after I joined back the OT I have lost a noticeable amount of weight running around the hospital and have started noticing the number of grey hair on my head. But I am back to being myself..in many ways I cannot describe.


Other day in the  recovery room, a patient was not doing too good post operatively. exactly the things I don’t like in a patient post femur neck surgery…unstable blood pressure, low saturation. I was attending diligently to each  complaint from the staff nurse in the recovery while managing my emergency cases in the OT. That was yet another day with missed meals and all the signs of a busy call. At the end of the day, after finishing all my work, the staff nurse came up to me and said very softly, “You are too good Varsha. I was comfortable here in the recovery room just because you around handling that patient and attending to each of my complaints. I am impressed, and now I am your fan!”


Suddenly, this makes all the thoughts of grey hair and the missed meals very insignificant….
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This Precious Life….

On Thursday night, A called his wife M from office, and told her he will be home late. Few hours later in the middle of the night a stranger called M and told her that he had admitted A, to the hospital with multiple injuries. Few hour later, in the morning, doctors declared to M that they could not save A and he was no more….
 Life is so unpredictable…. In the 3 years of their married life, A and M would have made so many plans for their future. A name for their child not yet conceived,  the dream car to buy from their funds saved, so that A can use a car to travel to work instead of his bike, the place where they want to build their retirement home. She had probably cooked his favorite dinner that night. But he never came home to relish it. Fate had some other plans for them…..


Life gives you cruel surprises. I guess, we must live each day like its probably the last day of life. Never leave home or go away from your loved ones with a frown or some harsh words…lest you never return to make amends.
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Cool…

The temperatures in Mumbai are swinging between 18 and 28 degree Celsius…and Mumbaiites are freezing already! The hardly ever used winter ware is out to use!!


The coldest place I have been to is Chandigarh, in early December of 2007, when the temperatures were in single digits. And the open and green city has coldest breezes blowing at night….grrr. Compare that, and the Mumbai winter feels mild and soothing…


I yearn to sit curled up in a blanket, with a book in my lap and a mug of hot tea in my hands. Wow, thats heaven. Husband for company would even be better.
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What DO Men want?

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Incidentally my 100th post, thank you!
Never imagined my 100th post will be anything more that “Yay my 100th post”. But no, Blogadda has some plan for me! So I put on my thinking cap and though….


I believe that most men want
To be heard out…
….about the day they spent at work, job hiccups, boss bitching (yes you heard that right).


Gadgets…
….need I say more?


To be looked after and even pampered, like their moms did…
….clean home, warm food, hot tea and all they want at hand. With minimal effort. Or just a bit more than minimal effort (lets be fair to them)


A Strong Woman…
….who can fight her own battles. A silly scared girl may be cute (I said MAY be) to some, but most guys want a woman who is strong independent and not a sissy.


Peace of mind…
….no nagging and a mom and wife who can stay with each other with love. Each one has a special place in his life that cannot be replaced by anyone else


To be loved and accepted…
….unconditionally, with the the bald head, with the pot belly and with the sometimes small pay packet.


Freedom…
….to fart, burp, sneeze at any time of the day, in the confines of his home.


Happiness…
….in the eyes of his partner and children.


Appreciation…
….of all that he does for his loved ones. The efforts and the sacrifices.




I am sure there is lot more, all the men out there, tell us what you want. We want to hear you. Women out there, tell me what more men want!
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Movie Day

Today was a movie day


First I watched The Lives of Others on UTV World Movies. German movie set in the the late 80s. Excellent movie about the life in East Germany and how it was controlled by the “Stasi”. Great direction, casting and screenplay. Read reviews here and a full spoiler story here. Absolutely loved the movie.


Now watching Haapus, a Marathi movie on television. Another nice movie. Reviewed nicely here. Sorry I am bad at reviewing movies, so will pass.


But will highly recommend the movies….
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Happy Diwali

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I love what Diwali does to the world around!!

Diwali is like a splash of colour on the otherwise sepia landscape of life. The otherwise crowded vegetable market suddenly has dozens of rangoli vendors and earthen lamp vendors. Colourful lanterns made of papers, thermocol, plastic, cloth adorn the bamboo stands. Young of boys run around selling small colourful sky lamps on wooden stands. Chinese rice lamps, electric lights flood the market from nowhere. Local grocery shops also double up as vendors of these special diwali items, diwali sweets and fy faraal, ubtan packets, chocolate and dry friut boxes
I love what Diwali does to the city….faraal shops and stalls, diwali sales. What I do not enjoy much is the noisy crackers. But this year somehow there seem to be less of these. The financial crunch? Possible. But I do love the pretty ones that fly high in the sky and burst into a shower of lights! Last year we had been to marine drive to watch the crackers, this year I watch from home….

This Diwali the cook in me who was comatose for the past two years stirred a little. So she made chivda a week before Diwali, tch tch, wrong timing. Did not last till Diwali. The cook then dreamt a lot and went back into the state of coma. The artist in me who was long dead stirred back to life and bought all possible rangoli colours. Then she also got small cheap plastic boxes to store the colours and methodically stored shades of reds in red boxes, yellows in yellow boxes and like that. Then she made a small not too artsy but neat rangoli outside her home. Then, after laxmi poojan, she went into the state of oblivion. This is what Diwali does to me!

Wish you all a very happy, peaceful, prosperous, fun filled and safe Diwali

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This is How You Do NOT Bake a Cake

The Do’s, everyone will tell you them, here are the don’ts that I have learn’t the hard way, i.e personal experience

1) Don’t bake till you have at least once seen someone bake either in real life or on TV or an authentic video. Small Things like how to fill, grease, flour and line the pans are very important.

2) Before you start out, have all your things together. The cookware, the spoons, whips, ingredients, measures….everything in place. My routine cooking is very intuitive. I start cooking, then walk around the kitchen, gather stuff and ingredients while I am cooking and that works fine for me for my roz ka khaana. NP claims I am a great cook, which I believe he says to convince himself and to gear himself to a lifetime of my radioactive cooking. (OK, I am not that bad, but not great either, a little better than average is quite where I am). But baking requires a little more effort than your routine cooking. At least in the beginning. So be well prepared.

3) Read the recipe carefully. Trust those from good books. Sites I am not sure. Cooking blogs are generally good, but do not go by the pics. Awful stuff can look awesome in a few fancy photographs. If a recipe seems complicated, please stay away. Use your intuition before you cook. This is presuming you are a newbie like me (since you have reached so far). Start with simple things first. Like a basic sponge cake.

4) Follow the sequence, yes. But do not take things THAT seriously. Like at the fag end of the recipe they will tell you to drop the mixture in greased and flour dusted tin and put it in an oven preheated for x minutes. No one will tell you that the tin must be greased and dusted before you begin. And by the time you are done the oven better be pre heated. Once the batter is made, it must be baked soon. Leaving it out for long will result in cakes that do not rise enough.

5) The tooth pic/knife/fork test, again do not take it SO seriously, the way I did. Kept poking my cake so often that it looked like a pock marked cake by the time it was fully done! BTW also beware, opening the oven too often during the innumerable fork tests is not good, the heat is lost out.

6) Prepare small portions at the oust. Expect some wastage and failed experiments before working out exactly how much heating your portions, your oven need. My first cake had a charred crust and rest was fine after I literally tore off the crust. Second was absolutely tasteless and charred mess. Third was too dense and sweet but overall not bad. Fourth attempt a year later with previous gyaan was much better but past “burns” made me poke it too often and my cake collapsed and got dense as the poking spoiled the top and let the air inside the baking cake escape.

7) Remember, Fahrenheit and Celsius were two different people with contributions to science similar yet different. So read carefully the temperature stated on the recipe and carry out appropriate conversions. Your oven may still need different temperatures so watch your cake get baked, this is not the time to watch that silly reality show on TV.

8) Finally, whatever you do, whether the outcome is a good cake or a damaged cake, your kitchen will end up smelling like heaven (that is how I imagine it smells), of course unless you char it way too far. And do not get discouraged, its really not rocket science, baking cakes, only practice makes one perfect. So happy trying.

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The Irony of Life

When I am busy and neck deep in work, I look forward to being home and setting a lot of things in my life right (read cupboards, kitchen, papers) and giving time for shopping, parlour and my self!

Now I am home but unable to do any of that!! Thanks to conjunctivitis…. No going out in public places….contagious disease. No cleaning cupboards ….one more  reason to procrastinate, that I do not wish to contaminate my clean clothes with adenovirus stained hands. Only thing I did religiously was cook…..breakfasts maafed to oversleeping but dinners and lunches, yes I cooked. After real long time. 

I must save the recipes of all that I tried…..